Memory

I fear for you to disappear 

I fear for you to fade

That memory is fading 

Where is it?

When was it?

What did i do?

The puzzles didn't fit

Some of it wasn't on the table

It wasn't in my memory

Not that I could remember

I remembered it being there

On the table

But the next thing I knew

It disappeared

Did I place it somewhere else?

Or did i threw the puzzle away

Something was missing

Something is missing 

My memory of the puzzles disappeared

Together with other memories

I'm in confusion 

In tear 

Where are you?

Memory

Where are you? 

Aku Manusia Angkuh

Angkuh itu milik Mu 

Hidup manusia seperti ombak
Yang kadang aku diatas
Yang kadang aku di bawah
Yang kadang imanku mantap
Yang kadang imanku rapuh

Dan
Yang ku mahu hanya satu
Untuk sentiasa terus naik

Ku faham rasanya
Bila dibawah
Mahu keatas
Jalannya lurus keatas
Tapi mengapa sukar
Untukku keatas

Apa kerna aku
Tidak mahu menaiki
kapal ulama'
TIdak mahu terbang bersama
sahabat penasihat
Tidak mahu panjat menaiki
tangga ketekalan

Atau hanya kerna
Aku angkuh?

Harus ku tahu 

Aku manusia 

Bukan malaikat

Terasa nadi ini mahu ku siat
Tiada lagi yang kumiliki di dunia ini selain
Keangkuhan

또 울고

Again

My heart ache

My heart ache again

Even if good things happens

Even when it's bright 

Even if you're here

Again 

My heart ache

Now that good things happen

Am I going to cry?

Now that you are here

Am I going to fear?

Now that you are here

Am I going to lose you again?

Again 

My heart ache

I'm afraid of leaving you 

Now that you are here

Do I have to leave?

Now that you are here

Do I have to turn back

Now that you are here

Why are you here?

Again

My heart ache 

Why now?

Now that I'm leaving

Do you really have to come?

Now that I'm leaving

Do you really have to beg?

Now that I'm leaving

Do you have to make me cry more?

Again

My heart ache

Not that this pain is killing

Not that I have to leave

Not that I can't see you anymore

Not that I have to say goodbye

My heart ache 

Now that you are crying

I shouldn't have accepted you 

Knowing that I'm leaving you

...crying 

yakinlah pada Dia

'Ini aku' by dahuq95

Aku sedang berlari

jauh dari semua kenyataan hati

Bukan kerna aku bodoh

bukan juga kerna aku takut

tidak pula kerna aku tidak mahu

dilukai.

Memang benar

ada yang berkata bahwa

dia harus kau cari

cinta harus kau putik

ya.

Namun tidak pernah aku terfikir

untuk mencoba

Detik hati itu pernah

berkata mahu,

Aku dahaga.

Namun azam tidak pernah ada

Detik hati itu hilang,

detik yang lain hadir

menyadarkan aku

dari lalinya tidur

membuka mata minda

yang tadinya lalai.

'Terima kasih Tuhan'

'Apa kau tidak takut

jika nanti kau keseorangan?

Tiada yang meneman

tiada yang disamping'

Pernah

ya, aku dulunya takut

rasa ketinggalan.

Apa yang akan kau peroleh

apabila sang tercinta mendusta

sesudah kau berikan segala

senyuman menawan

kata cinta

ciuman mesra dan

sentuhan?

Apa akan kau peroleh

apabila separuh darimu telah

dibawa pergi

Telah kau hilang lagi dirimu

Tiada lagi yang pertama

kerna segala yang pertama

telah dicuri

telah dibawa pergi

Bukan aku takut

atau bodoh

aku cuma enggan ada

memori itu.

Memori yang kelak

pasti akan kukesali

Harus selalu kau dan aku ingat,

Dia sempurna

tidak pernah gagal dalam kiraanNya

Ikan di lautan luas,

cacing di dalam kegelapan tanah

masih bisa.

Masakan aku yang berdiri di sini

di bumi ini

terlepas dek pandangan

Meski kau coba mengenali

hitam putih manusia itu

tidak akan berjaya kau lihat warnanya

kerna yang dipamerkan hanyalah

yang terindah

hanyalah yang kau liurkan

"Tidak perlu kau baziri 

masa mudamu mengejar

penipuan yang coba kau yakini,

kejujuran yang akan kau sangsi,

kerna ku pasti Dia telah menentukan 

yang terbaik buat mu. 

Yakinlah pada Dia."

you're my best.

'Sunrise Medan 2015' by dahuq95

I'm always scared of getting broken
Getting hurt or crushed by someone
By others
And whenever I'm scared or broken
I would always run to you
Cry to you
Complaint and sometimes nag to you.

Around you
It felt real
I was me
I didn't have to neither act
Nor be someone else
You made me be myself
It's never unusual for me to be around u

To cry to you
To share my heart broken love stories
To share about my admired Prince Charming
That is yet no where to be found.

Now that you're not around
I realise how precious you were to me.
How I actually took you for granted
How I only take you in when I was in need
But never had I share with you the times
when I'm delighted, happy or in cloud 9.

In the times when I was insecure
You made me a queen of all beauty
In the times when I had fright
You made me a poet with all confidence
In the times when I was blanked with all the problems
You made me a councillor with all intelligence
In the times when I'm lost
You guide me to Him.

Truely
You are my very best
Love you and will always do.
May all these days we spent be remembered.

D E J A V U

Pernah kau merasa deja vu?

Seakan kau mengulang perkara lalu

Seakan pernah kau merasa pilu itu

Pilu yang menghantui kau setelah kegembiraan

dan kemanisan dusta ini pergi

Kepiluan yang akan menghantuimu

Hidungmu yang tinggi melangit

Bersubangkan kemegahan

Kebanggaanmu meragakan kemewahan

Melambai kebenaran

Menghiasi matamu dengan celak kedusta

Memicakan diri dengan dendangan kekufuran

dan merangkuli kezaliman

yang kau pasti kekhilafannya

Mengapa masih kau menyasar?

Sedang kau tahu akan wujudnya

kesahihan yang menyuluh pasti

Sedang kau tahu perit dan pilu

yang bakal menusukmu

Gobar hati yang meronta menyesali

kezaliman yang kau hiasi

dengan kemanisan dunia

Namun ingatlah,

tiada keindahan yang lebih manis

dari kemanisan nertaubat.

Meski kau pasti kezaliman itu akan menjadi deja vu.

Sungguh tiada yang kau gerunkan selain

dari mati sebelumkau sempat bertaubat.

"Jika kamu bertaubat sehingga taubat itu gugur dan kamu kembali melakukan dosa, 

maka, bersegeralah bertaubat kembali! Katakanlah pada dirimu:

"Moga-moga aku mati sebelum sempat mengulangi dosa kali ini..."

-Imam Al Ghazali-

26 YEARS

"After 4 years, it is painful for me."

She said that with with a smile. 

Her white cheek turned red. 

"But it's thousand time bearable than the 26 years of hers"

Tears fell from her warm cheek.

'Yes' it should be painful. It is.'

I could say no word. 

No word of comfort. 

My hands moved and rubbed her shoulder hoping that I could comfort her.

"But at least she have all of you."

That hit me like a bullet.

'Will my presence make any difference?'

'Could I wipe away all her tears?'

'Brighten her dark night?'

'Put a smile on her face on these very tearful days?'

'And probably lessen her burden?'

All these questions struck me.

Did I do enough for her?

kearah cahaya itu

"Destination" by dahuq95

Sampai kapan harus aku menanti

sesuatu yang jauh

dan makin menjauh

angan angan yang tiada rasionalnya

tidak kelihatan nyatanya pada mata hati

jauh sekali pada mata kasar

Terlalu jauh telah ku pergi

cahaya itu tidak lagi dapat aku lihat

kerna pelarian ini terlalu lama

menjauh dari fitrah jiwa ini

Bukan mauku untuk menjadi pelarian

namun jiwa pemberontak ini

tidak dapat aku hambakan

pemberontakan yang tiada henti itu

terlalu liat

Bila akan ku mula berjalan

kehadapan

kearah rasionalisme

juga taakulan

kenyataan yang semua tahu

kepastian yang menanti 

bukan hanya angan angan musim panas

fatamorgana yang memberi harapan hampa

namun ini adalah 

cinta Dia yang tiada baginya erti kepiluan

kerna yang ada hanya kemanisan 

yang membawa ketenangan jiwa

serta sentuhan yang memberi 

seribu senyuman dikala duka 

tawa tika senangku

Cahaya itu akan tetap di situ 

sungguhpun nanti matahari terbit dari barat

bintang yang datang menerpa

dan dihancur segala gunung serta cakerawala

Kerna Engkau 

hanya Engkau yang kekal

tika semuanya telah tiada

identity

'tears of a soften heart' by dahuq95

Now

I just wanna close my eye

Forgetting about this world for a second

Just for a second

To forget the past

And also the future that is hunting me

Pulling me down.

Just let me close my eyes

Let my mind go free

Let this so-called identity fade

Leave me alone with amnesia

Let it do its job

Cause I can't think no more

.

My identity is my cloth

My past define me

My future saves me

Just if

If I take off my old cloth 

And put on a new identity

Brush off my past 

Drawing out a new future..

Will you treat me better?

Will he be okay?

I'll be yours. :)

Friends. Just the word itself is tempting. I want to make more of them. I want the whole world to be mine. My friend. We may not be of the same color but it doesn't matter 'cause 'Hi' is all that it take to start one

.
     My legs keep walking. Walk all over this land of His. Dancing and twirling around to find you. Another friend of mine. Wishing you are walking too. Wishing we will meet on our way to the paradise of His.

     Smile is my clothe, my accessories now. It was always his too. I hope my smile will make your day as his had made others. How his smile melts the hard rock hearts, cleared the path, brighten the dark, moisten the dry eyes. How his smile change the heart of the haters. Your smile spoke for thousand words. Just your smile was enough, so beautiful that no word was able to describe its beauty.

     My arms are open wide for you. Hoping that they will give you the warmth that you needed. The comfort you're finding for.
   
     There's one thing that I learnt out of friends, out of making more friends.
They say one good friend is enough but for me, friends are never enough. Seeing new faces is what making me who I am. It is what learning is all about. The differences are what completing us. Making us One.

Thanks for being one of mine. :)

Now

Perception.

We almost forget everything that we did.

Perhaps life is just too short for us.

To even remember what just happened.

A second ago.

I thought I was fine.

Now I'm lying down.

Helpless. Breathless.

Paralyze trying to flash back what just happened.

But nothing.

Nothing is all I see.

Memory is gone.

Appear to me as if I'm living in a new life.

A new born baby.

Just that I have been here before.

Life is too short as this breath that I take.

Now we are here.

Inhale later, I'm gone.

Taken from my head.

My soul is out free.

Free from this humanly insane desires.

Lust for what is wrong.

Hate for what is right.

Ungrateful for what is given.

Ask for more and end up missing the first.

Life is what now is.

Tomorrow is never promised.

But death is awaiting.

Promise that never will be broken.

Just keep going and don't let the past nor the future hunt you down cause He got your back.

Always and forever.

where my future holds.

Every step taken leads me to a place,

   A place where the future holds.

Every breath taken leads me to a place,

   A place where I become a human.

Every sweat falls leads me to a place,

   A place where I see a sea of opportunity.

Every blessing earn leads me to a place, 

   A place where I learn to be grateful. 

Every thing I fed on leads me to a place,

   A place where the flash of tomorrow grows.

Every thing that I hear leads me to a place,

   A place where builds this tranquility.

Every picture that I see leads me to a place,

   A place where my memory built. 

Every doing of mine leads me to a place,

   A place where my heart is built. 

Every thing of today leads me to a place,

   A place called tomorrow.

Every thing we do today builds our future. 

Every choice is in our hand.

That leads us to a better tomorrow. 

We shape our future.

Why I jump?

My heart beats like crazy.
What do do?
Put on some cloth.
Earpiece in this ear of mine.
Hoping this loud music will blind me
Leaving me deaf
From this loud sound
The beat of mine
This heart of mine

O this heart of mine
I have no idea
What do I do to calm you.

I starts jumping
Hoping this jump
Could skip my heart by a beat
Veil me from this unknown beat.

Allah, my God,
Silence already

When time comes, It just do.

I saw birds fly.
They flies free
Leaving what's behind
Blow away the joys
The tears start flowing
Creating puddle and soon a sea of tears.


Theirs had gone earlier
Against the law
Not a word can describe their lost
Their sadness
All left for me is shock
and worry.


"I'm scared that mine will fly too.
How do I face it when time comes
How would I live
when what is mine is taken away.
It has always been mine
ever since this eyes of mine is open
All this time that passed,
I'm afraid."

adult is what they call

Now that I know how it feels like

To be another of them

Everything seems more important

More than how it was before.

Now that I give

From what I get

Charity looks more important.

Now that I pay from what I earn

Each cent is my sweat

Each sweat is precious.

Now that I am standing in front

All I see are growing reed

Finding their ways

Every step is a lead

Another example followed

Hope to light their future.

Now that I see

How near I'm coming to the end

Every second is precious

This journey is priceless.

Everything looks important

As they always are

It is me, the soul in me who need

This long time to realize

How Important is important.

Thing that shouldn't be forgotten

Remains in my mind.

the will he left for you to read

'my life may end' by dahuq95

For he who went through a lot
for him who felt annoyed by the 'outsiders'
who know him not
walk on the road with him never
all they said was they know
for him who I loved.

They said, they understand
though he knew they didn't
though they know they didn't
they say it's okay, it's easy, just do it
though he knows it's the hardest
it would take quite long,
it bleed him inside
only if their words can stop
that time from ticking.

Don't say you understand when you don't
I'm afraid it would make him feel even bad
cause he knew everyone have faith written
and it's all different
a hug or a kiss would be much better
he would feel stronger with your warmth
hold him and let him know you are there
a word of love would have been much comforting

Don't leave him
cause this maybe his end
his last days
you may not see him again
he may leave you forever
for his cut is too deep
pain is him.

For them who don't understand
a will that he left for you to read
for you to understand
so that you know the pain
that he was drown in
not a human can swim to take him back
for the water was an endless roller coaster.

be ready for poverty and misfortune as a lover.

LOVE by dahuq95

They speak, they say.
I can't stop them from saying
Their words keep shooting
I can't help it but keep my ears close
Keep these eyes close so I can't read their lips
Please stop
She is my friend
I can't stab her from her back
I can't say a word about her
I can't bring myself to it
But I'm too coward to walk away
Cause they are also my friends.

They say they hate her
Would they say the same behind my back?
About them hating all of me
About how coward I am
About how I stutter in between my words
How I jump my lines
How not friendly I am
How clingy I can be.

Thinking about this disgust me
As always
Human are never perfect
I can't have high expectation on them or myself
All of it will fall back to ground
Low
He have always been there
No matter what happen He will never leave us
Why not put all my hope and love for Him?
The All Seeing, The All Loving, Most Merciful
Allah (Almighty and Glorious is He).
No matter how high it is it won't fall
We could fall but we can climb back up
But our hope for Him will forever grow.
Know that when we are lovers of The Prophet Muhammad,
we have to be ready for poverty.
And when we are lovers of Allah,
we have to be ready for misfortune.

Love of Allah and love of His Messenger are linked to poverty and misfortune. This is why some of the righteous have said: "Misfortune is assigned to friendship, lest it be merely pretended." If it were not so, everyone would claim to love Allah( Almighty and Glorious is He), so He has made constancy in the face of misfortune and poverty an indication of such love.

Shaikh Abd Al-Qadir Al-Jilani, from the book Al-Fath ar-Rabbani (The Sublime Revelation)

Translated from the Arabic by Muhtar Holland, Al- Baz Publishing.

First Discourse, Pg 17. 

have a break

Relax
Let your mind fly
Fly with all your imagination

Think.
Of all the good things
All the blessings
What's around you

It may not all be beautiful
Ugly may be better for you
Let it be
Just go with it
Try for better.

Continue.
It have to go on
Can't stop
Time can never stop
You may try stop it
You'll know it's a waste.

Alone.
It's just in your mind
Know that it is never there
Never have been there
You are never alone
Just open your eye and your heart
You'll see Him there.

Tidak Tenteram Aku

Jantung berbicara seribu

Laju lagunya

Petah menegur sang tuan

Apa sukar untuk kau

Mengerti isi hati mu

Bicara ku

Bukankah aku petanda

Diberi Tuhan kepadamu

Agar kau tahu

Sungguh hati ini tidak tenang

Tidak mungkin akan bahagia

Tatkala kau lupakan

Dia

Terima kasih jantung hatiku.

I'll be leaving soon

They say that I'll die 

they say the time will come

it's very near 

just wait 

That's what I can't do

I can't wait 

I can never wait

I'll do something
I said I'll do

yet till now I'm just waiting

not realizing how fast time has passed
years had gone

こわい

ほんとに こわい

Thinking about this waiting period

it is scary

the time will come 

It is just unfortunate 

that we don't know 

when the time will come

when our time will end

A moment

I prayed to know 

prayed to die with sign

with pain as a sign

they say it's unlucky

they say pain won't help

they say it's me who have to work hard

I just wanted to be ready

to get ready to leave

the pain can tell 

that I'm on my way 

I'm going back home already

Instead of waiting 

for the time to come

for the signs to come

I pretended 

I'm the pain

I'm suffering the pain 

struggle to overcome this disease

the disease that me myself created

my dunya is a pain (dunya: this world)

my dunya is my disease  

it's my jihad to overcome myself.

eyes speak for a thousand words
dahuq95