Sunday, 31 March 2013

regret.repeat.regret

I have been in this situation.
Regret. 
Maybe always.
Regret is not always for something big.
It's not always about death, life, exam, choices, studies or carrier.
It may be something small like, not smiling to a friend that he/she end up thinking that we are not happy for his/her success.
It look so small that you don't even think of it as a regret.

Sometimes, we regretted doing some sins.
We watched too much movies that we ended up forgetting our prayer.
And we regretted for doing so.
We determined and vowed that we would never repeat that stupid act.
Stupid act is what we called them when we are in regret.
But, time passed we forget our promises, we forget our vow and end up doing the same thing.
Not thinking them as a 'stupid act' anymore.

Committing a sins is addictive.
We tends to get addicted to them without knowing, without noticing.
We start repeating and make 'Allah is merciful' as our motto to commit more.
"Well, we do now, Allah forgive later."

Just like scratching ourselves.
We knew that scratching ourselves will ruin us.
We will get hurt but still for the pleasure, we did it.
And then when it hurt we regret.
We regretted more knowing that it will live scars.
But also knowing that the scars will fade, we still are doing it.

Just like other sins.
Just like zina.
For first, we thought that we made it out of us wanting, we can't hold back.
The lust is all over us.
So, we regretted for not being so strong.
Time flies, we remembered the pleasure.
We get addicted to it.
We repeated ignoring the consequences.
We make "Allah is merciful" as a motto.
And hope for His forgiving every time we commit it.
Are we not ashamed?

Maybe we, humans are never ashamed of ourselves?
We are never grateful for what is given to us?
Adam are made of soil.
We are just soil.
Dirts.
What are we to be so proud of.
We don't have anything but what are given to us.
We are weak, got no strength.

Don't we know the angel?
They are made up of lights.
They are never proud of themselves.
The devil, they are made up of fire.
So they do have something compared to us.
Fire can burn soil.
But we are appointed as a khalifah.
We should use this opportunity given to us in our best.

If we realize how small we are.
How we are nothing to be compared of.
We would never be proud of what we are.
We would spend our days and nights with our night sacrificing our everything for Him.
If only, we could realize and never forget.

Cause we would not want to cry watching what we are doing now in the day of judgement.
May Allah grant us understanding, forgive us and always protect us.

We have a very long way to go. Don't stop for a regret. Move on for a better day.
Peace~